Read and Watch
I watched a little video on Facebook this morning and it really has stuck with me....Yes, the whole 3 hours since I watched it....The truth is the majority of articles and videos that happen in a 24 hour period are watched and often forgotten; this one though is not.
It is no secret that I have always struggled with my weight, health and overall body image. I like to think that I am the exception to the rule though...I have maintained a 100lb weight-loss since 2005. Through two pregnancies, birth of both my boys, the gain and loss of 60 and 17 lbs respectably I have maintained this achievement. I am not looking for pats on the back or shouts of praise. Rather I am looking for my own feeling of accomplishment. I am looking to finally feel like I am not the girl that needs to lose the weight. I am hoping that one day I am going to wake up and stop thinking that I am something I am not. Personally I have tried diets, supplements, calorie counting, tracking, endless workouts and everything in between. I am not perfect at all but I am in search of balance. Balance that includes loving who I am and being ok with what I am not.
I believe that all women struggle with this. No woman (maybe 5) in the whole world stands in front of the mirror and thinks that they are perfect. We are all messed up. We all think that we could stand to change the number on the scale. We all think that we could fix this or that. ALL of us compare ourselves to what could be or what was...This is crazy.
I believe that we all should be constantly striving, adapting and aiming to be healthier, stronger and well balanced. I believe that we should be setting a healthy example the children in our lives that we need to take care of and nourish our bodies.
Something many know, but many don't know is that I myself have had a tummy tuck. I don't hide this fact but I also don't share it. In 2010 (before babies) I had maintained my weight-loss for 5 years, worked out constantly and the skin on my abdomen bothered me. So after a big moment in my life I decided to do it...With the support of my family and some amazing care from my then best-friend (now husband) I had a procedure for the skin removal. It was a VERY hard procedure, and I didn't have any muscle involvement done. I woke up battered and bruised. Tubes coming out of both my sides. Huge bandages. A fake belly-button. Dozens of staples. Oh, and I scar that covers my pelvis from hip to hip.
To say I felt like Frankenstein was an understatement. Going home I wasn't allowed to shower, stand up straight or exercise. My estimated recovery was 10 days....8 weeks later and I finally was "normal" again and back at work. My recovery had many, MANY complications and was something worse than the procedure itself. I ended up having to have two more procedures after the first surgery and it was awesome to wear some sort of abdominal binder or splint for a year after. All of these little things that happened made me think that I was going to have finality to the physical changes my body had gone through....
What does this have to do with the video?
Well at the time of surgery I was divorced and thinking that marriage wasn't going to happen for me. I was happy in my life and content with the idea of no children. The thought of having to deal with pregnancy and such didn't even cross my mind. The thought of having to balance life, work, family, and all the other stressors of the day-to-day weren't on my mind.
What did cross my mind was the idea that I finally would feel that thing I had been searching for. Sadly I didn't. I thought that there would be this grand finale to all of this and I would feel like a woman. That I would feel beautiful. That I would feel like I should. I didn't though. Post surgery I still struggled with the constant desire to lose more weight, to tone up, to eat right, to find balance. This constant struggle was mind-consuming and really frustrating.
Then life happened.
Married in 2011
Baby #1 in 2012 (60lb weight gain and loss)
Baby #2 in 2015 (17lb weight gain and loss)
I didn't feel "matronly" when my children were born. I still don't. Personally I believe that the struggle of feeling like a "maiden vs a mother" is something that doesn't exist for me. I am me. I am broken. I am not perfect. So instead of focusing on the imperfections that exist in my body I am focusing on improving everything; mind, body, and spirit.
What the little video
We are women, we are imperfect. Why do we struggle so much to accept that what was and what is are very different...But the beauty of those differences are in the adventures that takes us from one to the other.
Cheers
Sara
It is no secret that I have always struggled with my weight, health and overall body image. I like to think that I am the exception to the rule though...I have maintained a 100lb weight-loss since 2005. Through two pregnancies, birth of both my boys, the gain and loss of 60 and 17 lbs respectably I have maintained this achievement. I am not looking for pats on the back or shouts of praise. Rather I am looking for my own feeling of accomplishment. I am looking to finally feel like I am not the girl that needs to lose the weight. I am hoping that one day I am going to wake up and stop thinking that I am something I am not. Personally I have tried diets, supplements, calorie counting, tracking, endless workouts and everything in between. I am not perfect at all but I am in search of balance. Balance that includes loving who I am and being ok with what I am not.
I believe that all women struggle with this. No woman (maybe 5) in the whole world stands in front of the mirror and thinks that they are perfect. We are all messed up. We all think that we could stand to change the number on the scale. We all think that we could fix this or that. ALL of us compare ourselves to what could be or what was...This is crazy.
I believe that we all should be constantly striving, adapting and aiming to be healthier, stronger and well balanced. I believe that we should be setting a healthy example the children in our lives that we need to take care of and nourish our bodies.
Something many know, but many don't know is that I myself have had a tummy tuck. I don't hide this fact but I also don't share it. In 2010 (before babies) I had maintained my weight-loss for 5 years, worked out constantly and the skin on my abdomen bothered me. So after a big moment in my life I decided to do it...With the support of my family and some amazing care from my then best-friend (now husband) I had a procedure for the skin removal. It was a VERY hard procedure, and I didn't have any muscle involvement done. I woke up battered and bruised. Tubes coming out of both my sides. Huge bandages. A fake belly-button. Dozens of staples. Oh, and I scar that covers my pelvis from hip to hip.
To say I felt like Frankenstein was an understatement. Going home I wasn't allowed to shower, stand up straight or exercise. My estimated recovery was 10 days....8 weeks later and I finally was "normal" again and back at work. My recovery had many, MANY complications and was something worse than the procedure itself. I ended up having to have two more procedures after the first surgery and it was awesome to wear some sort of abdominal binder or splint for a year after. All of these little things that happened made me think that I was going to have finality to the physical changes my body had gone through....
What does this have to do with the video?
Well at the time of surgery I was divorced and thinking that marriage wasn't going to happen for me. I was happy in my life and content with the idea of no children. The thought of having to deal with pregnancy and such didn't even cross my mind. The thought of having to balance life, work, family, and all the other stressors of the day-to-day weren't on my mind.
What did cross my mind was the idea that I finally would feel that thing I had been searching for. Sadly I didn't. I thought that there would be this grand finale to all of this and I would feel like a woman. That I would feel beautiful. That I would feel like I should. I didn't though. Post surgery I still struggled with the constant desire to lose more weight, to tone up, to eat right, to find balance. This constant struggle was mind-consuming and really frustrating.
Then life happened.
Married in 2011
Baby #1 in 2012 (60lb weight gain and loss)
Baby #2 in 2015 (17lb weight gain and loss)
I didn't feel "matronly" when my children were born. I still don't. Personally I believe that the struggle of feeling like a "maiden vs a mother" is something that doesn't exist for me. I am me. I am broken. I am not perfect. So instead of focusing on the imperfections that exist in my body I am focusing on improving everything; mind, body, and spirit.
What the little video
We are women, we are imperfect. Why do we struggle so much to accept that what was and what is are very different...But the beauty of those differences are in the adventures that takes us from one to the other.
Cheers
Sara
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| 2003 |
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| 2017 |
Well said! Very proud of you
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