Real raw life
Where to start?
Do I just ramble my thoughts all out on paper? Do I try to form a cohesive story? I really don't know.
How are we supposed to watch one of the people that gave us life...slowly kill themselves? How am I supposed to be ok with a complete lack of self love? How does someone completely disregard the gift of life that they have been given? How can you just give up?
Over the past 20 years I have witnessed my father slowly give up. I have watched him make poor decision after poor decision. I have grieved for my father and the man he has become. I have grieved for my mother and the pressure that is on her shoulders. I have tried tough love, support, encouragement, education and just about anything else you can imagine. The end result is the same. He doesn't want to change, so he won't. Selfish...
BUT HOW???
My dad has always been his own kind of man. He wasn't the typical father but he is the only one I know. I don't understand how you can just quit at life. How can you just be ok always feeling the way you do? How can you not see that change NEEDS to happen? How can you be ok hearing the things you hear? Feeling the things you feel? Experiencing the things you experience?
Denial
When I look at my children I see the miracle that they are. My husband and I created two wonderful and beautiful little men. I cherish that and the miracle that it is. I hope that as they grow, they learn that life is precious. That they learn to take care of themselves and each other. That they learn to understand that health and wellness is a vital and key part of their lives. That they learn to respect their bodies and to nourish and take care of it.
My hope is that they NEVER have to feel the way I do now.
Is it pity? I don't think so.
Is it anger? YES for sure!
Is it confusion? Yes.
People in my life have said my obsession with health and wellness is just that, an obsession...Maybe it is. Maybe I have the opposite problem. Maybe I am trying to prove that if I can do this and be successful it would inspire him to try something...To try do make a better life for himself. To try to appreciate the beautiful gift of life he has been given.
No one is perfect, I certainly am not.
Knowing our flaws and then trying to fix them or at least improve them is the way to have progress not perfection.
Do I just ramble my thoughts all out on paper? Do I try to form a cohesive story? I really don't know.
How are we supposed to watch one of the people that gave us life...slowly kill themselves? How am I supposed to be ok with a complete lack of self love? How does someone completely disregard the gift of life that they have been given? How can you just give up?
Over the past 20 years I have witnessed my father slowly give up. I have watched him make poor decision after poor decision. I have grieved for my father and the man he has become. I have grieved for my mother and the pressure that is on her shoulders. I have tried tough love, support, encouragement, education and just about anything else you can imagine. The end result is the same. He doesn't want to change, so he won't. Selfish...
BUT HOW???
My dad has always been his own kind of man. He wasn't the typical father but he is the only one I know. I don't understand how you can just quit at life. How can you just be ok always feeling the way you do? How can you not see that change NEEDS to happen? How can you be ok hearing the things you hear? Feeling the things you feel? Experiencing the things you experience?
Denial
When I look at my children I see the miracle that they are. My husband and I created two wonderful and beautiful little men. I cherish that and the miracle that it is. I hope that as they grow, they learn that life is precious. That they learn to take care of themselves and each other. That they learn to understand that health and wellness is a vital and key part of their lives. That they learn to respect their bodies and to nourish and take care of it.
My hope is that they NEVER have to feel the way I do now.
Is it pity? I don't think so.
Is it anger? YES for sure!
Is it confusion? Yes.
People in my life have said my obsession with health and wellness is just that, an obsession...Maybe it is. Maybe I have the opposite problem. Maybe I am trying to prove that if I can do this and be successful it would inspire him to try something...To try do make a better life for himself. To try to appreciate the beautiful gift of life he has been given.
No one is perfect, I certainly am not.
Knowing our flaws and then trying to fix them or at least improve them is the way to have progress not perfection.
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