THAT mom
Today I am "that" mom...We all know who and what I am speaking of.
As I write this I am sitting in a dark basement and crying over the events that occurred just a few moments ago.
It is MORTIFYING when your child loses their mind and you don't know how or what to do to help them. We leave the activity he is upset about. I try to talk to him. I ask him what is wrong. There is no answer except that he continues to scream louder and louder. As I write this I think more and more that he just knows how to push my buttons and get what he wants. Maybe that is the case. Maybe it isn't. The problem though is I don't know if it is one or the other. So what to do?
Today I stood my ground though. He was out of control so the one thing that I knew I could do, I did. I tried to stay calm and hold my own tears back as I quickly left the situation and got my kids in the car.
Screaming all the way home I calmly let him know what was going to happen. He tried to barter, beg and scream louder to get what he wanted. We walked in the door and we walked immediately to the boys' room. I laid him in bed and told him that we needed to reset. That although he hasn't napped in months this is what we are doing. I kissed his head, told him how much I loved him, tucked his baby brother in and closed the door.
I then burst into tears.
It is the worst feeling in the world to be helpless. Quickly followed by feeling like a failure.
I know that all children have good and bad days and one day I will be able to reflect on this moment. Right at THIS moment though...there are no words. Lots of emotions and worry.
I am not asking for pity or words of "its ok." I just needed to get this out.
I have never felt these "big emotions" as my friend calls them so strongly before. Being a mother is so hard. It is isolating, lonely and just hard. We can all read as many blogs, books, posts and whatever else but we never feel good enough at what we are doing. This job of molding someone to be a good human is SO overwhelming. Are we doing this right? Is it ok that my kid does this? That? the other thing?
So many things that are uncertain.
So I am going to try and enjoy this quiet time and look forward to them waking up to a fresh afternoon.
Cheers to all the parents out there!
As I write this I am sitting in a dark basement and crying over the events that occurred just a few moments ago.
It is MORTIFYING when your child loses their mind and you don't know how or what to do to help them. We leave the activity he is upset about. I try to talk to him. I ask him what is wrong. There is no answer except that he continues to scream louder and louder. As I write this I think more and more that he just knows how to push my buttons and get what he wants. Maybe that is the case. Maybe it isn't. The problem though is I don't know if it is one or the other. So what to do?
Today I stood my ground though. He was out of control so the one thing that I knew I could do, I did. I tried to stay calm and hold my own tears back as I quickly left the situation and got my kids in the car.
Screaming all the way home I calmly let him know what was going to happen. He tried to barter, beg and scream louder to get what he wanted. We walked in the door and we walked immediately to the boys' room. I laid him in bed and told him that we needed to reset. That although he hasn't napped in months this is what we are doing. I kissed his head, told him how much I loved him, tucked his baby brother in and closed the door.
I then burst into tears.
It is the worst feeling in the world to be helpless. Quickly followed by feeling like a failure.
I know that all children have good and bad days and one day I will be able to reflect on this moment. Right at THIS moment though...there are no words. Lots of emotions and worry.
I am not asking for pity or words of "its ok." I just needed to get this out.
I have never felt these "big emotions" as my friend calls them so strongly before. Being a mother is so hard. It is isolating, lonely and just hard. We can all read as many blogs, books, posts and whatever else but we never feel good enough at what we are doing. This job of molding someone to be a good human is SO overwhelming. Are we doing this right? Is it ok that my kid does this? That? the other thing?
So many things that are uncertain.
So I am going to try and enjoy this quiet time and look forward to them waking up to a fresh afternoon.
Cheers to all the parents out there!
Being a parent will challenge every part of who you are. That's what other parents are for. Stepping out, taking a break, and refocusing on the importance of raising a human being is a ridiculously difficult job. Days like these are the ones that we questions our parenting tactics, approaches, and the very fiber of our beings, but overall, these little people are trying to describe what to them is indescribable. The only way they can do that right now is to act just the way that your baby acted. And it sucks.
ReplyDeleteTrue statement. Thank you!
DeleteI am so proud of you for standing your ground! I know that sometimes that's hard for you and today you did it!!
ReplyDeleteStarting school is a big thing for Gman and he's trying to figure out his place in the world and while he is doing that he still like to press his momma buttons.... he's gonna grow up to be amazing and we are gonna sit back and remember these days and laugh, and cry because they pass so quickly. So today cry because it's hard, then breath and be the most amazing and strong and fantastic and super Sara Mae we all know you are.
You make me proud!
So VERY VERY PROUD!
Thank you! Truly Thank you!
Delete