Seasons

 Summer. Spring. Winter. Fall

There are four seasons that we all grow up learning about. We start to associate things with certain seasons and begin to look forward to the traditions of each one. 

The seasons we don't talk about seem to be the harder ones. 

Currently the season of life that we are in is just that. Raising three kiddos in this world is no easy task. With things like social media and everything being pretty instant- there is always pressure to be doing the right things, say the right things, and being the best at everything.

It is suffocating.

Here is some truth. We have a son with autism. He is beautiful and funny. Sweet and charming. He is also challenging and stubborn. He doesn't understand things as our other kiddos do. He gets angry very quickly and has an almost non-existent tolerance level. He also loves with his whole body. Gives the best hugs and can make your heart melt from across the room. 

Now.

People are quick to judge and give their opinions about how he should be treated or raised. The truth though, the truth is that no one...Not a single person knows what it is like to live with this every single day. It is easy for someone looking in on this life to give their "two cent." So what is one to do? Cry- yup....that happens almost daily. Get over it?- unlikely as it is not going away. Work on it everyday- yup...there are small victories, big wins, and setbacks.  Learn- always learn.

A constant struggle in this "season" of parenting is whether or not we are doing the right thing. 
Let's take school for example. 
When we moved to the PNW almost 5 years ago we were elated at the idea that all 3 schools our kids would attend were within walking distance of home. From our house we could see the elementary school and the neighborhood is full of kiddos all the same ages. Glorious. Gus started school and everything seemed really great. We didn't know we would have a neuro-diverse child. We didn't know that our child needs a large amount of special supports and assistance.  What we learned is that there is a systemic problem here in regards to special education. The school system is beyond flawed and can't educate our child- or even keep him safe...So what does a parent do?

Great question; and here is what we have done:

1. The school wasn't able to do an assessment in a timely manner (we asked for one in September of 2021 and in January 2022 they still hadn't done it)- so we did one privately. His IEP was put into place in April 2022.
2. Our insurance wasn't able to provide the OT services they said he needed twice a week- instead they offered once every six weeks- so we do it privately
3.. The school district refused to provide a 1:1 as needed by his assessment (and the fact that he eloped the building and classroom) - the principal at school #1 advocated and got him one...She was magical and made a huge difference for his remaining school year. We thought we were making progress. 
4. The school district refused to allow him to return to our neighborhood school- we were placed in a focused classroom at a school #2 multiple miles away....3 days before the school year started.
5. School #2 was supposed to be staffed with 1 teacher and 3 paras at all times in this classroom. It is staffed with 1 person throughout the day- with 11-13 special needs children. He has eloped the building 10+ times this school year- one time into a neighbors backyard and another notable time he was found outside with no shoes on, in the rain- by a janitor who happened to be taking the garbage out. 
6. IEP meetings, district meetings, talking with the director of Special Education, and advocating for the staff (who are just as frustrated), and advocating for our son- DAILY
7. We met with an attorney who specializes in this district and their inability to provide legally required supports and assistance...Her response- move.

This is the highlight reel. Any parent involved in an IEP should be able to relate. It is awful....or at least it is awful here. In one IEP meeting the district rep said "the school will need to re-allocate staff to help decrease the number of elopements he has." The response from the other 7 staff members on the call was that there is NO staff to allocate....and what should they do....Her response- she repeated the same sentence. There is no help. They don't care. They are breaking the law- and our options are limited. 

So back to my question....What does a parent do?
If you were told that you could move and this would be greatly improved...Would you do it if you could?
The hardest part is that we love our neighborhood. We love our neighbors. We have roots here. We have traditions. We have seasons here....but this can't continue. 
A new season is right around the corner and with that is going to bring major change for the W family. It is terrifying and exciting. There is hope but fear. There is hesitation and wonder. It is a lot. All the time.
So what does one do?